Admit it: You now have “Hammer pants” on your mind. As of today this blog is operating as slackerpapa.com so both of you may need to update the feed in your feed readers to accommodate the change. I’m sorry. I’m a bad boy and need a good spanking.

There’s no denying that today was “TEH SUCK!”  I won’t bore with you with all the boring work-related, hormonal, cable getting switched off details but let’s just all agree that Slackermama and Slackerpapa will be getting pissed on Gin and Tonics.  However the day wasn’t without it’s highlights as witnessed by:

1)  Evie’s reaction to me calling her a “Pretty Pretty Princess” when I get home every evening.  Note the skirt part of her outfit hiked up due to her constantly pulling at it.  She’s going to be one of those little girls that rocks back and forth holding up her dress saying “Papa! Papa you know what?  Papa! You know what?”  I’m in big trouble:

2) Liam seeing an Oreo logo on a table card at Wendy’s and remarking:  “Cookie!”  What’s even more remarkable than knowing the logo is the fact that this kid has probaly had a grand total of 2 Oreos his entire life since we are huge cheapskates and buy the knockoff brands like “Hydrox” (does that sound like laundry detergent to anyone else?).  His brother is profoundly intelligent and so far Liam looks like he’s following in his footsteps.  One of them is bound to be an evil genius.

3) Harry purchasing two bags of candy at the store and offering me some:

Harry: Papa, you want some?
me: What is it?
Harry: Skittles!
me: What the hell is a “Skittle?”
Harry: *giggles like a little girl*

Well at least we now know which one will be the evil genius.

A conversation between my dad and I as we were walking by a really sweet Harley Davidson touring motorcycle this past weekend:

me: That’s a really nice bike. You know Marilyn and I are considering getting something like that but probably not a Harley since they’re too expensive.
dad: Oh yeah? What would you do with a bike like that?
me: You know ride it to work and take cruises on the weekends.
dad: and what about the kids?
me: they can get their own damn motorcycles!

The Dream:

This weeks roundup of the truly despicable:

- The dude that shot up the church in Tennesee.  He was pissed at the “liberals” for not being able to find a job and his other woes including losing his food stamps.  This fucking guy was was self-righteous enough to walk into a church full of people, any of which would have written him a check, given him a place to stay, or supported him in any way they could, and shot the place up!  DURING A CHILDRENS PERFORMANCE!!  However, he wasn’t good enough to accept food stamps?  Food stamps.  Food stamps. THATS A LIBERAL PROGRAM YOU JACKASS!  I hope they throw the book at you and fry your hypocritical ass. 

- Have you seen John McCains new tv spot blaming Barack Obama for high gas prices?  WTF?!  Oh yeah I’m sure our big business loving, oil industry friendly asscrack of a President had absolutely NOTHING to do with high gas prices.  Let’s just fucking ignore the fact for a second that the OIL COMPANIES THEMSELVES don’t even blame Obama for high gas prices!  They blame all the poor people in India and China who don’t have a pot to piss in and make like $3.99 a DAY for driving up demand.  You blame Obama?  Seriously?!  Is your campaign already so desperate as to stoop to such low brow tactics?  Oh, and here’s an idea for your next ad campaign:  HAVE A FUCKING POINT!  Maybe even back it up with FACTS rather than posting up a picture and asking a question.  Let’s see what else we can blame on Barack Obama?  Global warming? Check. Post-BlogHer righteous indignation? Check. Shia LeBouf drinking and driving? Check.  Oh and that reminds me:

- Shia LeBouf - Dude sober up and knock off the drunk driving.  Seriously I love your movies and you have an amazing amount of potential but I’ll get majorly pissed off if you keep walking down the Britney/Lindsey/Paris train-wreck road.

- That guy from the freecreditreport dot com commercials.  Let’s ignore for a moment that the subtle message of these commercials is that if you have BAD CREDIT then that makes you a BAD PERSON.  Who the fuck are they to pass judgement especially when so many people are out there struggling to pay their mortgages and credit card bills (thank you greedy mortgage company pukes!)?  No let’s set that aside and think who the main guy in the ads reminds me of.  Oh yeah! My sisters loser ex-husband!  This fucking guy works at the fish joint not because he has bad credit but because he played to much Doom and Civ2 in college and flunked out!  Somewhere along the line he suckered some poor girl into marrying him and they promptly moved into her parents basement where he takes time out from his busy part-time schedule at the fish place to work on his “music” with his “band”  (aka his buddies from the fish joint who are THIS close to getting fired for screwing off and pissing off little old ladies by yelling “yeehaaa”).  When their not doing that they’re riding around in old and busted trying to pick up chicks!  Who does he blame for all his problems?  His poor WIFE and everybody but HIMSELF.  All she’s doing is your fucking laundry trying to get the fish smell out while your buddy gets pissed for closing the door in his face.  I hate those fucking commercials.  They make me want to throw a brick through the tv every time they come on.

Other than that I’m just peachy!  Thanks for asking!

When I got home from work this evening I greeted each of my twitlins as usual and grabbed up Evie and the camera so I could snap some pics hoping for one of her famous smiles.  I couldn’t get her to smile because she was too interested in what I was doing:

Meanwhile Liam was watching tv and I thought this would make a cute picture.  You know how sometimes a wildlife photographer will go missing and all they’ll find is his camera and when they develop the pictures there are all these pics of a grizzly bear getting closer and closer?  These pictures remind me just how dangerous wildlife can be:

Once on my lap he started grabbing the camera and I had it aimed towards Harry.  Liam decided the little silver button on the camera was fun to click and Harry played along: 

He snapped off one final picture before I finally wrestled the camera from his grubby little hands:

And he and Harry proceeded to be the monkeys they are:

For the past couple of weeks Evie has been acting very tired in the evenings.  When were at the in-laws house in San Jose after BlogHer we discovered that she really enjoyed sleeping in her bouncer in their darkened dining room away from the noise and commotion.  Practically every night since we’ve been back I’ve been telling Marilyn that she is ready to start sleeping in her crib and that we should work on transitioning her over.  This idea (of course) doesn’t set well with Marilyn and she’s been coming up with any excuse she can to NOT put Evie in her crib. To her credit she has her reasons most of which have to do with our experiences with trying to have children and the associated loss. HOWEVER, most of her excuses are completely lame and add up to the fact that she simply doesn’t want to harbor any notion that her baby girl might be growing and wanting some more freedom. So last night after Marilyn changed her diaper and put her in her jammies she handed Evie off to me. I could tell by her slowly blinking red eyes that she was very tired and I could tell she just wanted to go to sleep so I finally took matters into my own hands. I marched her up the stairs to Marilyns protests of “Where are you going with my baby?!” and laid her in her crib. I dimmed the lights and put a baby monitor in the room so we could hear if she cried, closed the door and went back downstairs. She fussed a little at first but in the end she slept for about 5 hours in her crib!

My wife and I both LOVE sangria but it’s a well known fact that we’re two of the cheapest people on the face of the planet.  We threw this recipe together last month while we were visiting my parents in Elko and it turned out so good I decided to share.  Don’t spend too much on the wine since it’s getting mixed with some other ingredients.  Sangria was originally used as a way to drink up the bad wine while getting the benefit of the alcohol (a philosophy I fully support btw) so anything you use will be more than suitable. We usually just get the cheapest Cabernet Sauvingon or Merlot (like 2-3 bucks a bottle) we can find at Walmart:

1 bottle (750mL) red wine - preferably Cabernet Sauvingon or Merlot
1 bottle (2L) store brand white grape and peach juice (Walmart and Smiths both have this for sure)
1 bottle (2L) lemon lime soda (store brand works or 7-Up, Sprite, etc.)

In a 2 quart pitcher pour in half of the bottle of wine and half of the bottle of juice. Top off with the soda and mix. Pour over ice in a tall glass.

Very simple but I challenge you to find a more refreshing drink during the dog days of summer (okay except maybe a gin and tonic)

We visited a Woodcraft retail store today with my parents and at said store was a build-it-yourself guitar kit. Harry already has a strong interest in both music and woodworking so needless to say he stoked at the idea of building your own guitar. He also has a small beginners guitar that his uncle bought him for Christmas a few years ago. After we talked to the guy about the kit and the six week class they offer to build it Harry and I had the following conversation:

Harry: Papa?
me: yes?
Harry: my guitar only plays country music
me: *blink* what do you mean kiddo?
Harry: when I play my guitar why does only country music come out of it? I want it to play rock and roll music
me: well Harry the guitar doesn’t play the music, the person playing the guitar decides what kind of music comes out of it
Harry: oh…. *deep intense thought*

Several hours later (after the drama of my parents newly purchased air conditioner for their camper getting blown off the roof of our van onto the highway) Harry came down stairs:

Harry: my guitar is STILL only playing country music!
me: what do you mean?
Marilyn: can you tell us what sound its making?
Harry: well I don’t know what sound but it doesn’t sound like rock and roll music
*Marilyn looks at me and I look at her and we simultaneously come to a sudden realization as to just what the HELL he’s talking about*
me: well Harry you need a different kind of guitar to play rock and roll music
Marilyn: yeah you need an electric guitar
me: what you have is an acoustic guitar and thats the kind of guitar they generally use for country music

Sometimes it takes a little bit to get on his same wavelength…

Please bear with me the next few days while I get some of the little bugs worked out of my site and plugins.  I’m still trying ot get things like spam filters tweaked to accommodate all the legit readers while blocking the viagra ads.  I mean srsly what are they trying to say?

Many of you probably know him as Freddie Mercury and if that doesn’t ring a bell then you would know him as the lead singer of the rock band Queen (if you’ve never heard of Queen then you are dead to me).  On my way to work this morning I was listening to “Bohemian Rhapsody” (oh you know that one?) and thought to myself what a damned shame it was that he had to pass away at such a young age.  Who knows what kind of mark he could have made on the 90’s and he would have totally rocked the band reunion craze.  I also can’t figure out why (despite the timing) we are all so surprised that he was gay and had AIDS.  This is a guy who wore low cut spandex leotards and lipstick on stage and was the leade singer of a rock band called “Queen” for petes sake.  I have to admit that, as a child of the 80’s, I never really “got” just how good of songwriter and peformer he was but in my older age I have a new appreciation for his work.  If you get a chance this week dig up a recording of “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “We Will Rock You”, or “We are the Champions” and imagine yourself in a boisterous crowd at a live concert.  Oh yeah…